The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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