I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize