I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
