Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
