Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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