Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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