I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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