i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
