before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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