It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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