Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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