but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
