This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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