if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how does that bad decision feel?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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