My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
