So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will pee on everything he values.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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