great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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