I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
