you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I understand Curling. That high.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
