Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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