Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
