hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
