the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
