Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
