But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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