i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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