My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
