You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I smell stomach acid.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
