your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
