It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
