when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
