i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize