are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
