hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
