That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
