That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
