if i can run in heels then i can drive
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
