VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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