I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
