Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
