i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
