Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
