STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
