I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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