Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
