i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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