operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
