Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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