Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
