just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
