Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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