Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
