Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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