umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
