What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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