My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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