omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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