I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
