well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
it glows. i had to have it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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