Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So. Much. Porn.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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