your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
