Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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