My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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