pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Screwed.edu
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
