so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
