i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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