My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
