she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
