BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
