I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
