Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Randomize
