He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
